Everything works together when you find your soul's calling

After awakening to the fact that my soul had an unmet need for adventure, I wrote down my thoughts in my journal. Journalling has always been my preferred way of processing my feelings. It helps me frame my thoughts in a narrative that not only makes sense but promotes positive action as well. Here are some extracts that highlight the radical change I was undergoing:

Kim remembers me as quite an active, engaged person, quite different from the shy, timid person I became in my teens. Mom helped me find expression for my physicality by taking me horse-riding,, but I chose to get involved in music and church activities in high school. The shift towards less physical activities coincided with my deteriorating eyesight but it also coincided with me choosing an ego image that resembled a good Christian woman. Now I want to reclaim the part of myself which enjoys strenuous physical activity.

Further on I wrote:

The time for shielding myself against the forces of chaos by enclosing myself in a small, secure environment is over. I am going to break out and confront nature, and do so in spite of my disability. I cannot do this without leaving home. I simply have to risk my physical safety in order to recover my lost urges.

Meanwhile, I began reading a Nora Roberts novel called Come Sundown. I had picked the book in an Audible sale without knowing what the story was about. It is, I discovered, about a woman who heads up a resort in Montana where trail riding is a popular activity. The book contains lots of descriptions of horses, saddlery and horse riding clothes, as well as breathtaking landscapes. it was very appropriate for generating ideas and inspiration.

My journal records:

I'm remembering my dreams from long ago, of keeping horses on a farm. A horse is an intelligent and beautiful animal and I used to think I would own horses when I grew up. Now I'm thinking of it again. I would love to live on a property big enough to keep a horse, and have someone on site to do all the sighted work for me. I would love to interact with horses on an intuitive level. I would love to adopt a rescue horse and give it a good life as an ordinary hack, walking and trotting along country lanes and pathways.

Romantic as this sounds, it shows how freely the ideas flowed once I embraced the horse-lover in myself. Even the books that fell into my hands echoed the theme of riding in the open countryside. As Paulo Coelho wrote in The Alchemist, "When you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it."